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09/22/2008 - Lori is Round 4 Champion!

Lori, the candle maker extraordinaire, or the candle company marketing and sales guru, or whatever her position is within the greatest candle company in the world, Mystic Flames, took out yours truly in the final championship of round 4 of the poor mans poker league.

Round 4 was a grueling season, and I'm honestly not sure how I even made the final table, let alone how I made it to second place. I suck at poker, and I suck at life in general. But nonetheless, I am your second place champion of the world, as usual! Congrats to Lori though, she deserved it. As soon as Lora sends the pictures (again) to me from the final game I'll put em up here. Until then, check the front page for the latest updates on round 5! That's right, your lazy ass webmaster has actually updated the website, omfgwtfbbq!

09/08/2008 - Holy F@!*ing quads!

The last game of round 4 was commenced with the most ridiculous night poker has ever seen. A 1-Outer river quad hit to take out the games gayest player ever, Ed, (by Greg). Setup: Preflop greg has pocket 4's, Ed has pocket queens. Both hit trips on the flop, bet, raise, reraise, all-in, and Greg hit's his 4th 4 on the river to own Ed's life. Ed ended up with a few chips left, but shortly after, Sean, Greg's mother's son, took Ed's last few chips in a hand that was not good enough for a play by play.

Eric is still in first place, so don't worry! Morgan is in 2nd! Note to all, there is a discrepancy in mathematics in my (eric)'s final point count, by a total of one point. Lora the resident PMPL accountant and number cruncher, nor myself, cannot figure out where that extra point went. Seeing as We're the hosts, and I run the points, I will take 1 less than my reported points in extra chips, which totals to 100$ in extra chips that I will not take. I'm that kind of guy. I dunno if there IS an error in my favor, but on the off chance that there is, I don't want that extra advantage haunting my ass.

Anyway, lets get the hell on to business, shall we? Newcomer Holly took 4th place, while morgan, the 47 year pregnant baby mama of mine held out for third place to buy my breakfast with a bunch of lesbians and gay guys (LONG ASS STORY, I'M SORRY MR ROTO-ROOTER, NOT ALL PEOPLE IN MADISON HEIGHTS ACT LIKE THAT, SERIOUSLY).

Then it was up to Michael and newcomer Donny, and eventually Donny took his 2nd place bow, to give michael his first place.

Join us all for the final tournament of champions on Saturday, Sept 22nd, 2008. The top 10 in points will be playing the final game with $100 per points extra chips. Of course, I will be starting with $2,440 in extra chips (even though i allegedly have 25.4 points. read above).

For all those not in the top 10, feel free to show up and play your own tournament and/or cash game. Its up to you. We have the room, we have the chips, and whatnots. I'm sure more games will be played after the main tournament game, so stick around for a minute. Best of luck to all in the final tournament of champions, and more luck to myself, and for gods sake, much much much more karma to myself.

In other news, fuck the lions in their stinky asses, and all hail to the wolverines. Well, in 3 years or so when they're actually a team again. 1-1 is good enough i spose.

Now that I have the final scores in, Congratulations to your top 10 players of round 4: Eric, Morgan, Brad, Lora, Lori B., Ed, Greg, Sean, Tony A., and Jason. Good luck to all at the round 4 tournament of champions!

The tournament of champions will be held 9/27/2008. Unless otherwise noted, round 5 will be started immediately (2 saturdays after). We'll keep you posted.

08/25/2008 - Week Nine introduces... ManDude

ManDude will own your face . That's all you need to know. Week 9 commenced with mandude kicking all of our asses, and then eventually melting down to a cash game.

What the hell is mandude you say? Mandude is the creation of a 21 hour hungover italian guy we like to call Tony. ManDude knows no pain. If you have 5 dollars and mandude has 5 dollars, man dude has more money than you. Mandude can sneeze with his eyes open. Mandude does not sleep, he waits.

Still don't have a clue? Mandude. These are the 3 only known photos of mandude, and the copyright holders should now fear their lives, knowing that mandude knows his likeness was captured in still format by them.







Ok, so with the mandudeness aside, lets get down to it. Scott, the newcomer, suprise suprise, took 1st place and a stunning 5.6 points, going heads up with Lori, who took 4.6 points. I, Eric, took 3rd place after doubling scott up 48 times, when he was damn near out of the game, for a whopping 3.6 points, securing my first place lead by 5+ points. 4th place award goes to sober Lora, the casa eating, fat black woman show going-to, flea-infested dog havin, sister of mine.

I gotta piss like a drunk german racehorse with 3 legs, so thats it for now.

08/10/2008 - Week 8 has come and gone

This post, and week 8's poker tournament has been brought to you by our proud sponsor, Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick. Lets give this man a round of applause!



Week 8 came with an astonishing turnout of 16 total people, with no newcomers at all. However, it was the first week that I, Eric, decided to play Omaha. I hate that game so much, and I always will.

Anyway, addendum to my last post: Lori is a seemingly nice lady with no bad intentions whatsoever. So is Mark. Well he's a seemingly nice Guy at least. Nobody stole any keys. Nobody ever will.

On to business, shall we? Ed and Brad battled for 67 weeks for what is most likely the longest heads up battle in the history of PMPL. I'm not sure exactly how long it was, but when I left around midnight (shuffle up and deal around quarter to 8-8pm or so), they were still duking it out. Ed finally won, taking 5.6 points, and giving Brad an overall 2nd place lead. I'm still in first, in case you were wondering.

3rd and fourth place respect goes to the two Lori's, B. and G., respectively. As usual, nobody gives a shit about 5th-xth place.

We have only 2 regular season games left until the tournament of champions, where men are men and boys get cracked by quads when they have the nut flush, for a $90+ omaha pot. Keep on tellin friends to tell friends!

07/28/2008 - Your King has been re-crowned

King of the Poor Man's Poker League, Eric, aka: me, has been re-crowned champion and overall first place leader. OH YEAH. That's what happens when you get a little bit of confidence as the overthrower of first place, you get your teefs knocked down your froats. And you get your keys stolen by a seemingly nice lady, who has nothing but bad intentions for you.

Alas, on to the business. I, the king of rock, poker, programming, and awesome, Eric, took first place in a short little dual with Sean/Chuck. Going into 3-way play with Ed, the two dominated me, hard. Ed in second place had me down 5:1 at least. I made a fun little comment, thinking i would just make a move and take my third place, and re-take my first place overall, and said "Damn. I need like 5 double-ups to do anything". Shortly thereafter, I caught Ed bluffing a couple times, and gave his manhood a shaking. I eventually took him out on a questionable call. Ed's final words: "Damn, that sucked". Yes Ed, that hand fucking sucked. The heads up battle was pretty uneventful really, a couple all-in/immediate folds for each of us, and finally an all in and call by me. Win.

3rd place was, of course, Ed, who went on to dominate me in the cash fuzzy bunny game. 4th place mention goes to Chris, a season 4 newcomer, but season 2 and 3 OG.

We had a decent turnout of 19 this week. Please tell some friends to tell some friends. And tell them to tell some friends' friends. If all goes well, we'll get separated 6 degrees, and Kwame fuckin Kilpatrick will show up, and beat the shit out of us all. Physically. Then he'll say that he was just guarding his chiplead, and no arrests will be made. Not even by Mark, the Detroit Police Officer.

Moving right along, a special shout out goes to everyone who has seen Morgan's uterus. You know you loved it, you sick son of a bitch.

07/17/2008 - Your first place lord has been overthrown

By the one, the only, pregnant Boner. Thats right ladies and gentlemen, our (men) point has been proven once and for all. Women aren't content with almost everything you have (undying love and devotion, money, etc), they want your honor too. Nothing short of spectacular, Morgan Anna Bone, the first pregnant first place overall member of PMPL, and quite possibly the first ever female first overall member of PMPL, has taken the reigns from yours truly, and taken the overall first place position. No worries, I read a couple of poker books this week, so now I'll be kicking teefs down froats.

Business: Alan, a newcomer went heads up with another newcomer Mark. I bluffed Alan off like 3 pots in the first half hour of the game. How he won, is anybodies guess. Especially since Mark, our esteemed Detroit police officer, packing his glock, taser, bullet proof vest, and pro-kwame bumper sticker was dominating the chiplead going into heads up battle by like 10:1, but nevertheless, Carl took first. Another win for the newcomers.

Taking third place was Tony A, AKA Ray Liotta (or is that Tony C? I can't keep all these bastages straight). Morgan, the fucking twatwaffle that she is, took fourth place earning enough points to dominate Eric (me) first place overall position.

Who cares about the rest, etc. Ed though, gets a special fuck the fuck off. Turned his nut flush, while i turned my king/queen flush. Good hand sir, good hand. Well played too. But I'm still feeling some animosity. Perhaps I'll have myself a cup of coffee next week, even if it is 100 degrees in the garage like it was last week, you damn weirdo.

In other news, this is announcement to ALL POOR MANS POKER LEAGUE PLAYERS!!! If you see me leave, and you see me leave without my beast of a fan, REMIND ME TO BRING THAT SHIT HOME. I have 2 6000BTU air conditioners in my 150sq ft. house, however, running both AC's all day long, leaves my house at a not-so-cool 86 degrees at 7pm. I need my fan. It's killing me. If I die of heat stroke, who will know how many points you have!??!?

In other other news, if you have any gripes, about anything, anytime, anyplace, anywhere, send them to me. Perhaps you called dell customer support one day, and had a ridiculous experience. Whatever. Me and my project manager at work have started www.pleasestfu.com, which will eventually be a "man this shit sucked" type of website. I have like 50 gripes i'm about to post, including my recent half hour long call to intuit (quickbooks) tech support, in which I eventually yelled at the dumbass lady saying "I understand the fundamentals of E-mail, I'm a fucking software developer, please listen to me and what i'm saying".

But...thats another gripe for another website. Emails can be sent to 1fizzle@gmail.com. Thanks!

06/30/2008 - Record Low, record Fun

Game 5 showed a, as far as I know, record low for season 4, of 11 total people. It was nice, cuz it was a hot ass muggy day, and who wants 500 people all up in the garage? Not me. As it were, I kept my hat off most of the night due to the heat, which, if anybody has ever met me, knows is a statistical anomoly.

Anyway, on to business. Micheal got taken out first. Why do I mention that? Well because Michaels flopped trip queens totally pwned my flopped trip jacks, for about 30 dollars intergalactic numeric points, and he decided he was way more awesome than me. Who's in first, sir. Who is in first.

First place at round 5 of season 4 was taken by Aaron, the guy who fell asleep and may or may not have been teabagged by Brad. Lori B, showing up for the first time in season 4, took the honorable second place, with Morgan and Joe H following up with 3rd and 4th place, respectively.

Morgan is having my kid. Just a reminder. And a new one at that. And I've finally told my co-workers. and random passers-by. However, I still have yet to tell my dad. Thats the worst, cuz he's old, and has already had one quadruple bypass, I dont want that responsibility on my hands....

In other news, I purchased Guitar Hero Aerosmith today. It's basically GH3 with new songs, and a few random ass things here and there. I'm happy with my purchase, but i cannot fucking WAIT until GH4.

Keep your children shot and/or thrown in green pools. That's the way they do in Jackson. We should all follow suit.

06/19/2008 - Theres a new poker player in town...

Yep. And her last name is mine. And she's awesome. She's way more illegal than Kris.

Who am I talking about? My new daughter of course! OK, so i'm not sure if shes a girl or a boy yet, but if SHE is a BOY, then I'm getting a refund!

Confused enough yet? Here it is in plain english. I, Eric, your PMPL webmaster and PMPL league leader, is pregnant! Well not me, per se, but the lady I impregnated for the second time, Morgan, aka bone, aka boney mcbonerton, aka contractual sexerton, IS! We don't call her boner for nothin, she's a fertile lady!

Morgan and I found out that we were having a GIRL (again, we don't know the sex yet, but we're both crossing fingers for a girl), sometime aroud the end of March, early April. Remember around the beginning of season 4, when Bone would get plastered beyond recognition? Notice she's been drinking water and pop since? Well thats why!

Anyway, suggest some names that aren't gay as aids, and yuppyish like "parker" or "hunter", etc. And to top it all off, here are some pictures! Both pictures were taken 6/18. The second picture is our 7 year old, fucking SECOND GRADE son, who is the proudest big brother ever. First picture is the latest ultrasound from 6/18, hint: the head is on the left. Sorry for the shitty pic, my scanner is broken so we relied on taking a picture of a picture.

06/07/2008 - When the league takes a break, I takes a break

A one week sabbatical that is. First and foremost, there will be no poker next saturday June 14th, 2008!!!. None. Not even a little bit. Why? Our favorite underage player managed to con enough teachers into passing him so he can graduate. Congrats pal!

Our second announcement is that of another congratulations. On behalf of every PMPL player ever and those yet to come, I would like to extend my congratulations to Joey Cass for taking the cinnamon challenge head-on (apply to the forehead), and kicking it right in the balls. Joe is a man amongst men, even those that cannot pronounce cinnamon. Good job ole chap.

Third announcement, is...you guessed it, another congratulations! On behalf of all hockey fans, beer drinkers, rednecks, canucks, and generally every other stereotype known to hockey fans, I would like to congratulate the 2008 Detroit Red Wings on winning their 4th Stanley Cup in 11 years! Kudos to you Swedes, and the other 2 people on the team.

Onto the business. This (last) week we saw game 4 of round 4 and a dramatic heads up battle between Brad and Greg, with Brad taking first place and a cool 6.1 points to put him in a tie for second place overall. Who is in first place overall? I have something in my eye, I can't read. Help me out here.

Gregs second place netted him 5.1 points to secure his 4th place position (technically 3rd what with the tie and all, but whatever). Coming up in third was Joe H with 4.1 points putting him into the top 10 overall! And for once, I don't have to refer to my booty-getting contract to mention Morgan, because she got 4th place all by her big girl self! Congrats to bone, who took away 3.1 points to secure her 6th place overall position just trailing Lora.

In other news, this whole heat nonsense must stop. I will be starting a petition to mother nature, father time, santa clause, and any other legendary beings past or present who may or may not be responsible, to stop the insanity. I should not be sweating in my living room, with my AC on. That's just silly.

As always, please help to control the pet population and have your pets spayed or neutered.

05/22/2008 - Game 3, another week, another game, another new winner

Game three of round 4 started with a somewhat weak turnout of only 22 people. Keeping with PMPL tradition of letting the newcomers win, Paul took first place and 6.3 points. He'll be back.

Taking the heads up second place battle was Dan, who took 5.3 points away, on top of his 2. Newcomer but Oldcomer from round 3 Nick K (greektown) showed up and took third place and 4.3 points. Frank the tank bullied his way into 4th place for 3.3 points.

Morgan! She went out 6th to keep her top 10 ranking with another 2.2 points. Keep it up boner! //contractual

And Eric? Eric got hosed. What's that? Eric is in 1st place? HAHA I OWN YOU ALL!!!!! WINNARRRRRRR.

A lot of new faces this week. Even a face that ... intrigued everybody. Playing 3 hot buns by blowing the mouth of a 40oz, now that sir, takes talent. cash games are, as always, fun and exciting. We even had an Omaha cash game start up. Screw omaha in the ass though.

Come on and celebrate the weekend after labor day weekend. Perhaps we'll be able to celebrate gas prices coming back down to 4$+ per gallon, instead of the 5$ i'm sure it will be this weekend!

My sincerest apologies for not updating the site sooner. I'm busy working a million hours a week and making sure that the internet stays up and running. MY BAD.

05/04/2008 - Yet another record breaking turnout!

Thats right folks, they came, they saw, and a couple actually conquered. 32 in all came and saw, beating our previous tournament record of 31, set some time ago. Whats even more amazing, nay, shall I say, fucking ASTONISHING, is we actually almost started on time. I think we shuffled up and dealt around 7:35-7:40. Not bad, not bad.

Business: Derek took first in a epic heads up drunk/baked battle with the one and only mother of the PMPL, Lora. I dunno if it was an epic heads up death battle, I was too busy kicking teefs down froats in the cash game, but hey, it could have been epic.

Taking 3rd place was newcomer rich, and 4th place award goes to another newcomer Brad. Honorable mention goes to Morgan (because she gives me booty and it is part of my booty-getting agreement to mention her in every post) for taking 5th place.

If we keep having these record turnouts, theres a couple scenarios that could be played out. 1. The feds raid the garage, find nothing, and leave. Maybe arrest me, just because it seems whenever an officer is involved in something I am anywhere within a 30 mile radius, I always get arrested. Or 2. The prime minister of Ireland will reconsider his declination of appearance. Yes, declination of appearance. It's a Gaelic term.

If nothing else, we might grab the attention of somebody high ranking such as Donald Rumsfeld's brother-in-law's sisters neighbor's dog walker. Somebody like that would bring Good Morning America to our doorstep, so lets keep our fingers crossed!

As always, nexc game is Saturday, May 17th, SEVEN THIRTY PM. YOU AINT THERE, YOU AINT PLAYIN. Maybe, if you're lucky, we'll blind you out, but you need to call BEFORE 7:30 and let us know you're on your way to get blinded out. We shuffle, we deal, at 7:30pm, eastern standard time, -5UTC.

To all the kind hearts that I totally owned in the cash game, sorry. I needed it more than you, trust me.

04/21/2008 - Season 4 is underway!

That's right ladies and gentlemen, no more 8 month wait, no more burning eyes in the garage, no more waking up feeling like you smoked 8 packs of cigarrettes (or 12 cartons if you're a smoker), Poor Mans Poker League has returned for its first spring debut in history!

Business as usual, Newcomer Fred (who is a friend of oldcomer Derek, if I'm not mistaken) took out yours truly in one of the longest heads up battles in the history of the game of poker. 2 hands. Thats right. I will freely admit it. I had no business even being at the final table. I got lucky as fuck to get there. Once I got there, I got even luckier, and ended up winning everytime I was all in for the big blind. I didn't play well. I got lucky when I needed to. Perhaps I played smart waiting to get lucky, but thats irrelevant.

Anywho, Fred took first, I (Eric) took second. Jason took an honorable 3rd place, and another newcomer steve took 4th. After that, click a link somewhere to find out what person took what place, they're not worthy of front page news.

Next game will be had May 3rd, same time, same place. With any luck, pirogies will be involved, and much great times will be had. Not just because of the pirogies, but...well ok, mostly because of the pirogies.

And read further below to learn about the massive epic fail I like to call "Eric's attention to details". Shit happens. Especially when you click the big shiny red "EMPTY TABLE" button.

Whatever.

04/21/2008 - Oops. I suck at web development

So, I was clearing out last seasons records from the database, and adding them to the round3.poormanspokerleague.com pages. I did all the scores, all the standings, etc. Then I cleared out the database to make way for round 4, the current round.

Except I forgot to copy all of my news updates from round 3. If I had done this at work, I'd probably be fired, and taken out back and beaten.

Luckily, you fine folks don't sign my paychecks, so I really don't care. I care, but I dont. Do you? Maybe.

Update to come for the first game shortly!

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